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There once was a GOP lawmaker
Who used a “scalp” reference to snare
He called for the ouster
Of the defense secretary, no jester
His words caused a political flare

There once was a man named Grant Cardone,
Who said to Americans with a groan,
“Step aside,” he did yell,
Trust Trump, all is well,
In private equity he’s thrown.

There once was a man unidentified,
Who went swimming where sharks did reside.
In waters so deep,
Marine predators did creep,
Close encounters left him terrified.

College leaders, with fervor they spoke,
Against government intrusion, they broke.
In lives of those who learn,
Their voices did churn,
On campuses, their stance awoke.

There once was a boss named Bill Owens
His staff received quite the commotion
He said in a memo
“I can’t run the show
As I have in the past, I’ve been frozen.”

A Republican from Florida, quite bold,
Endorsed by Trump, was told
By his constituents, ’tis true,
Interrupted and criticized, too,
At a gathering, the story is old.

There once was a congressman bold
Whose crimes were quite brazen, we’re told
He’s sorry, it’s true
But the sentence they pursue
Seems overly harsh, he foretold

There once was a man named James Osgood
Who confessed to a crime as he should
“I’m guilty,” he said
From his prison bed
With no more appeals, he withstood

There once was a man named Bessent
Who found China negotiations quite unpleasant
He said with a sigh
It’ll be a tough, long try
To reach a deal, he was hesitant

An investor from “Shark Tank” named Clark,
Said, “400% tariff on imports from the dark!”
He thinks China’s goods
Are bad for our hoods,
So he’s pushing for this bold spark.