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There once was a man named John D.
Charged with crimes quite unsavory
With associates two
They did what they do
Now they face legal scrutiny

There once was a radio host
Who declared, “You’re not here to be a boast
You’re not there to turn anybody on,
Just play the music and carry on,
For that’s what you do best, I can almost boast.”

There once was a GOP candidate
Who predicted the party’s fate
In the state legislature
He spoke with great vigor
In an audio clip, so they state

There once was a woman named Guilfoyle
Whose conduct was met with some turmoil
She resigned from her post
Financial misconduct – the utmost
Now off to new ventures she’ll toil.

There once was a man named Kotlikoff
Whose administration faced a tough scoff
Before the faculty’s ire
He decided to retire
Now Cornell’s Senate can finally scoff

There once was a data guru so bright,
Who predicted the GOP’s plight,
He said with a grin,
Their chances are thin,
In the midterms, they face a tough fight.

There once was a network so bold
With MAGA coverage to uphold
Gas, diesel, and groceries
Caused quite a frenzy
Their shift in perspective was sold

There once was a chemical so fine,
With safety data that’s quite divine,
Decades of proof,
No need for aloof,
In using this substance benign.

There once was a person who cried,
To the police they did confide,
A plea to commit suicide,
The police said, “No need to hide,”
And they helped them get through the tide.

There once was a man named Talarico,
Who on social media caused quite the show.
Protecting his foes,
From looking like hoes,
Many didn’t think he should stoop so low.