There once was a man from Utah,
Charged with killing, oh what a rut.
In court he did appear,
As his lawyers did steer,
To restrict media access, that’s the cut.
There once were some workers so fine
Isolated a damaged gas line
Stopped the flow at half past nine
Utilities saved the day
Thanks to their skills, all is fine
There once was an AG named James
Whose case was put under flames
The grand jury declined
For the second time
To re-indict, ending all claims
There once was a Rep named Magaziner
Who said, “You don’t know the good guys from the bad guys.”
In Rhode Island he’d roam,
Telling truths of the unknown,
Guiding others with actions much wiser.
Several social media users said,
The annual title must not go to their head.
It’s not an endorsement,
Just a moment in the spotlight, a moment
For the winner to bask in instead.
There once was a man named Glasheen,
Whose testimony was quite obscene,
It was called amateur
In U.S. law enforcement, for sure,
His legal knowledge was not keen.
There once was a singer in danger,
Accused the administration of “rage baiting”,
Said it was done to get attention,
For the harsh immigration prevention,
A ploy that was rather enraging.
There once was a woman named Candace
Who spread a wild theory in haste
She claimed Kirk’s death was fake
A Turning Point USA mistake
But her story was just a disgrace
There once was a host named Dave,
Who praised late-night hosts in a rave,
For their work defending democracy,
With humor and great honesty,
Their efforts he did boldly wave.
There once was a state so wet and drippy,
Where floods made the situation quite slippery,
Governor Bob Ferguson, with a plea,
Requested boats for water rescue, you see,
For catastrophic floods were quite nippy.