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There once was a shooting so grim
At Brown University, so dim
Two people were slain
And nine felt the pain
In custody, police found him.

There once was a shooting so grave
Police details they did not save
No word on the victims
Or any afflictions
Just silence on who they did save

There once was a claim to allege
“This is not about race,” they would hedge
But the truth was revealed
Their excuses unsealed
It’s a cultural clash, so they pled.

A co-host named Dagen McDowell
Said to Maryland folks, “Don’t wallow!
Just buy a fake tree,
Let that project be,
And watch as the farm takes a blow.”

There once was a man named Epstein,
Democrats wanted Trump to be in,
But Jennings exclaimed,
“This story is maimed,”
It’s Epstein’s tale, let’s not give in.

There once was a man named Carl Erik,
Who spent money in a way quite eccentric,
He bought mattresses two,
For a fortune, it’s true,
With bedding and linens, quite majestic.

There once was a president grand,
Who bandages wore on his hand,
For shaking hands all day,
In a white house display,
With bandages, he made his stand.

There once was an envoy from the U.S.
Who aimed for relations to progress
With Minsk, it was clear
That the goal was sincere
To normalize, and find success.

A MedStar neurosurgeon named Mai
Said Wolfe has progressed in a fine way
His journey’s been grand
With healing at hand
Incredible news for today!

Now, with days to go, Congress will close,
No consensus in sight, they suppose.
Their work’s almost done,
No solution’s been spun,
As they bid their farewell and propose.