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There once was a show called Kimmel Live
Suspended after its host did not thrive
He criticized the right
After a fatal fight
Now the show must strive to survive

There once was a group, so it’s told,
Who painted on cows stripes of bold,
Reducing the flies,
They won a surprise,
The Ig Nobels, a story now old.

There once was a man named Kirk
Who drank Starbucks cups, what a quirk
Conservatives did cheer
As they shared far and near
His nine drinks a day made them irk

Former veep Kamala Harris did state
In her memoir, it’s quite a debate
That she thought the ex-sec
Would have made a great spec
For the 2024 ticket, first rate

There once was a governor named Newsom
Whose press office said with aplomb
The president had lied
On TV nationwide
Just days after Kimmel was gone

There once was a senator from Texas
Who spoke like an Italian mobster, reckless
He criticized a host
For removal, a boast
But his plan was clearly fruitless

There once was a president who, it’s said,
Boasted of things quite absurd and dead.
His favorite claim, so bizarre,
Made everyone look from afar,
As he bragged about things not well-spread.

My staff were besides themselves,
Gift to Trump campaign dispels,
Ex-VP wrote in 107 Days,
A gift that sets ablaze,
Their reactions, like jingling bells.

There once was a president high,
Who aimed to make China comply,
He tied it to need,
For the U.S. to succeed,
In countering its rival nearby.

There once was a man named Remnick
Whose humor was quite slick
He said with a smile,
It’s funny, worthwhile
His wit left us all feeling quite quick