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A man named Hernandez, Carlos Ivan,
Faced charges of abuse, oh so wan,
DHS accused,
Violence they refused,
Similar tales to others began.

There once was a man named Todd Blanche
Who served up a not-too-relatable chance
To show ID, he said,
But left us all scratching our head,
For his story just didn’t enhance.

There once was a detail so grand,
Said CNN’s analyst, quite unplanned.
It’s really stunning, he cried,
No one can deny or hide,
A fact so impressive, firsthand.

There once was a man named Rubio,
Critics said his speech was a no-go,
Hyping up a wedding crowd,
While the conflict raged loud,
In the Middle East, the tensions did grow.

There once was a president so bold,
Who painted the water feature, we’re told,
In American flag blue,
A sight so true,
On the Mall, a sight to behold.

There once were hoax calls so absurd,
With bomb threats and shooters all heard,
But the truth was revealed,
And the culprits were sealed,
No more panic caused by their word.

There once was a director quite tight,
FBI chief, so strong in his plight,
The comedian joked,
His tactics provoked,
But his job, it seems, is done right.

There once was a president who’d leer,
At the network for making Maher appear,
Just after Newsom’s chat,
He didn’t like that,
And criticized with a sneer.

There once was a man named Colin Jost
Presented the president with a boast
Of an alternate way
To “get hold of” the Brits, he did say
But it’s unlikely they’ll be engrossed

There once was a crash in Portland town,
At a health club where one person drowned.
The police were dismayed,
One life claimed, they relayed,
In Oregon, a tragedy was found.