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There once was a golfer quite keen
At the 2026 U.S. Open scene
His skills were top-notch
His swing like a watch
For updates, follow along on the screen

There once was a costume so grim,
Critics said it was racist on a whim.
Target confessed it was wrong,
The costume didn’t belong,
Offensive, they admitted with chagrin.

A strategist felt quite incensed,
His rant was profane, unrelensed,
Against his dear “friend”,
The rant had no end,
Jeffries was now the defense.

There once was a claim so baseless
Said the judge, it was truly meritless
For Epstein’s associate
Finding evidence, how great!
But the judge found it all quite faceless

There once was a woman who’d say
Conservative ruling’s not okay
On Trump’s mail-in vote,
Uncertainty they promote,
Before elections, in dismay.

There once was a press secretary
Who left the White House in a hurry
The president framed it as a choice
Between family and his voice
Saying it twice, oh what a flurry

There once was a woman in Mass,
Suspected of killing her spouse, alas.
Near a hospital she was found dead,
Authorities confirmed what they had dread,
A tragic end to a story of class.

There once was a country up north
With tariffs, they decided to go forth
Against the U.S. they’ll strike
On Tuesday, they’ll take a hike
In a trade war, each side takes its course.

A judge postponed a big trial date,
For a man charged with a terrible fate,
New evidence was found,
Defense wants to expound,
In 1988, Pan Am met its grave state.

There once was a man named Rick Wilson
Who said Trump’s aide caused a real hullabaloo
Their relationship, he claimed
With his presidency, was highly inflamed
A mess to untangle, that’s the hullabaloo