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There once was a president named Trump,
Admired by his party with a big jump.
CNN data analyst found,
In the fall midterms bound,
Most admired by a wide margin, the hump.

There once was a girl named Candy,
Whose gas station was always handy.
But students let ‘em rip,
In the gusty winds trip,
Causing quite a stink that was dandy.

There once was a Sparks forward named Freedom,
Who clashed with Enes Kanter – quite a kingdom.
The team owner had a fit,
Banned Kanter from home games, quick to commit,
In LA, drama’s always welcome.

The U.S. Open had some thrilling matches,
But one what-could-have-been catch,
In the singles bracket,
A potential upset packet,
Added intrigue to the tennis dispatch.

There once was a girl named Darline,
Whose parents were quite divine,
Dr. Andrews believed
They deserved to be relieved,
Of troubles that caused them to pine.

There once was a host named Jon
Who spoke of things going wrong
The president’s woes
Brought him to new lows
On “The Daily Show,” he’d go on.

There once was a man named Mackelprang,
Near a lake where he often sang,
His brother did claim,
It looked just the same,
As the spot where their tent had once sprang.

The U.S. found itself in a plight,
A shortage of missiles, not slight,
Trump’s war with Iran,
Had caused quite a jam,
Interceptors were needed in flight.

A Minnesota ICE officer, so bold,
Charged with assault, the story is told,
Falsely reporting a crime,
In the shooting of Julio, no dime,
In court, the truth will unfold.

There once was a president named Trump,
Who said Canada he’d like to dump.
But neighbors are friends,
So let’s make amends,
And avoid a relationship slump.