There once was a skater from the States,
Who left the sport to await better fates,
At the Beijing Games she’d retire,
But in Milan she reached a new highwire,
Gold medal, her legacy now states.
There once was a man from the pier,
ICE’s actions filled him with fear,
His death added to the count,
Of fatalities that did mount,
A tragic end that is clear.
Although the state’s case was closed in ’19,
Prosecutors say revelations that shine,
In sealed FBI files,
Warrant further trials,
For justice, they’ll cross every line.
There once was a girl, oh so grand,
Met Trump’s son, so different, firsthand,
She was like, “Oh, well that’s new,”
In her mind, the thought grew,
Of the man who would soon rule the land.
There once was a governor from the west,
Who taunted the president with jest.
An offer he made,
Was likely to fade,
For refusal the president was dressed.
There once was a press secretary,
Whose words caused quite a quandary,
Contradicting the head,
Over a video spread,
In the White House, quite the contrary.
There once were some schools that were found,
To have instructors not properly bound,
They didn’t test students well,
And safety issues did swell,
Investigations all around.
There once was a girl named Evita
Whose parents caused quite a spat
She drew condemnation online
For things she did not design
Now she’s caught in a political chat
There once was a man with great wit,
Conducted a poll, informal and fit,
On the “Late Show” stage,
To gauge the crowd’s rage,
Colbert’s humor always a hit.
There once was a hockey ace Knight,
Who fell for a speed skater so bright,
At the Beijing Games,
Their love set the flames,
Their connection was clearly a delight.