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There once was a rapper named Joe,
Who liked to sleepwalk to and fro.
His lawyer did say,
He does it every day,
But where he goes, they just don’t know.

There once was a mom named Alexis,
Her time off request caused a mix,
She was shot in the foot,
Hit by a car – oh what a hoot!
Blamed error, but still in the fix.

There once was a clerk from the House,
Who called a lawmaker “honorable” with a grouse.
People poked fun,
Said he must be on the run,
For that title was as quiet as a mouse.

There once was a man in a spat,
Screaming, feeling quite flat,
Someone came near,
Said, “Don’t you fear,
You’re alive, that’s where it’s at!”

A Texan Democrat did pledge
“We’ll sit on the sidelines,” he said
With popcorn in hand
He’ll take a firm stand
And watch from the crowd, unafraid.

Alcohol’s cancer risk is quite clear,
Said Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, my dear.
Label drinks with this fact,
To prevent the impact,
On Americans who like their beer.

A reporter from The Times, quite wise,
Said, “I’m not shocked by his rise.
The president-elect’s way
Is as clear as the day,
I saw it all with my eyes.”

There once was a justice accused
Of taking paid trips, he abused
The ethics laws, he crossed the line
From benefactors, he took a shine
Now his reputation is bruised

There once was a prank on the set,
Mark Ruffalo thought it was a bet.
But his co-star was peeved,
Not at all relieved,
The joke didn’t go over, you can bet.

There once was a GOP lawmaker named Matt
Who launched his own show with a big splash
On a right-wing network, he took the lead
His interesting look was all they could heed
But some say his views are a bit brash