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There once was a jinx who could speak,
His words would make even the strongest go weak,
With a curse or a spell,
He would cast it so well,
And leave his victims feeling quite meek.

There once was a lettuce so fine,
From Taylor Farms it did shine,
But the FDA found,
A parasite all around,
In a sample of iceberg divine.

There once was a man named David
Whose old friend he always chided
On “Life, Larry, and the Pursuit
Of Unhappiness” to boot
Mockery and laughter provided

Argentina’s seeking its fourth title,
Spain could be the first in the aisle.
Both striving for fame,
In the soccer game,
Their dreams may soon reconcile.

There once was a president so great,
Whose team won soccer’s premier fate,
The real victor, they say,
Was the USA,
With celebrations that just couldn’t wait.

There once was a man full of spleen,
Who hated the president, it seemed.
He said to another,
“You work for a bother,
The silliest man ever seen.”

There once was a host named Rantz,
Who said ICE officers don’t kill by chance,
He defended their name,
Their actions he tried to tame,
Said they’re not on a murderous dance.

There once was a man of great might,
Carlson claimed he was wrong, not right,
As the U.S. president,
Trump faced discontent,
His faults were in plain sight.

There once was a woman named Alex
Who confronted Pete with attacks
She unleashed her strong voice
Made him rethink his choice
To focus on scandals, not facts.

There once was a man from Conn,
Who called out the MAGA con,
For spreading conspiracy lies,
He didn’t mince words or disguise,
Just laid out the truth and moved on.