Cornell Students Protest University’s Handling Of Alleged 2024 Gang Rape With Sit-In

There once were students who vowed
To protest the violence allowed
They refused to spend
On campus to amend
For complaints the university has plowed

University Of Arizona Suspends Fraternity Activities After Reports Of Misconduct

There once were some students quite severe,
Their actions brought punishment near,
Assault, hazing, and drink,
Made the school board blink,
Suspension now makes it all clear.

Don Lemon Still Considering A Presidential Run — And The Odds Are Higher Than You’d Think

There once was a former news anchor,
Considering a run for commander,
He’s giving it thought,
And the news has caught,
Will he be a future expander?

CNN Goes Inside A MAGA Merch Store And Finds Trouble For Donald Trump

Sales at a pro-Trump store took a dive,
Customers grew frustrated, no jive,
MAGA hats lost their charm,
Business suffered harm,
In a shop where few now dare to arrive.

Trump’s Response To Question About LA-San Diego Remark Is… Something

There once was a president bold
Whose comment caused quite a big fold
Mentioning Iran’s might
And the cities in sight
Oh, the stories that he told

Gigantic Naked Trump Statue Lands In European Parliament With A Blunt Message

There once was an artist from Denmark,
Who coated his art in gold’s grand,
He revealed what he’d say,
To the president, hooray,
In a limerick that’s truly grand.

Ken Paxton Names The 2 Things ‘Dragging’ His Campaign In Leaked Audio

There once was a Senate candidate Republican
Who shared how people feel the pinch, in an audio scan
Axios released the clip
Showing the hardship — no quip
In times of struggle, we all need a plan.

Donald Trump Cooks Up A New Way To Attack The Press, And Walks Right Into A Punchline

There once was a president who
Replaced “fake news” with a name that’s new.
His critics did ponder,
If a rebrand was yonder,
And what other changes he’d pursue.

Washington Man Allegedly Conspired With Canadian School Shooter

There once was a man named James Cody,
Who conspired with a teen, oh so bawdy,
To commit a mass shooting,
At a school, so disturbing,
Now they face consequences, how naughty.

Chris Murphy Says Pentagon Denied Him Access To U.S. Base In Qatar

There once was a man who did spar,
Described a scheme bizarre,
To hide the Iran war,
Said it was a cover like tar,
But his secret didn’t go far.

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