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There once was a shopper so fine,
Who searched for good deals in a line,
They asked with a grin,
“Where should I begin?
To find treasures that truly shine.”

There was a man who could not abide
All the clutter piling up inside
So he kept all his receipts
Neatly stashed in his sheets
Till he couldn’t find them and cried.

There once was a frontman named Phil,
Who said the times were quite shrill,
He called it quite scary,
This era so hairy,
We hope soon it will all be still.

There once was a “Late Night” host,
Who let the president’s words boast.
Through jokes and satire,
He’d never tire,
Of the truth that needed to coast.

Bakker and Tammy Faye, quite a pair,
Built an empire on TV with flair,
“The PTL Club” was their hit,
Evangelical success, no misfit,
Their fame rose beyond compare.

There once was a president’s mate,
Who had a moment that was great,
In the spotlight she shone,
By his side she was known,
His constant companion, first-rate.

There once was a man from West Virginia
Whose views on his party caused hysteria
He said Trump should be jailed
His fellow GOP bailed
Ronald stirred quite a media criteria.

There once was a state called PA
Where measles did spread in dismay
Over 1,000 cases found
Causing panic all around
In decades, the largest outbreak they say

There once was a group from Cornell
Protesting the response they did tell
Allegations of assault
Had them all in a vault
On the campus plaza they did dwell

There once was a time, quite nifty,
When the U.S. military was thrifty,
No death penalty since ’61,
A practice no longer done,
In their history, a fact quite shifty.