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There once were two men named Fairfax,
Their shootings caused quite a deep-lax.
In the U.S. each day,
Violence finds a way,
Justin and Shamar, their attacks.

Oil prices started to rise
Global equities met a surprise
Tensions rose with Iran’s cease-fire
Markets felt the burn as fear grew dire
Hormuz Strait concerns filled their eyes

There’s news of the 2026 FIFA Cup,
Excitement is starting to erupt,
Follow along for the latest,
Don’t be the one who’s latest,
Stay informed so you won’t be abrupt.

There’s a rumor that’s causing a stir,
Will Musk and Linda Yaccarino confer?
In Paris they may meet,
Or perhaps they’ll just tweet,
The truth remains quite a blur.

There once was a woman so cool,
Leaning out her SUV like a fool,
In a White House pool report,
She did it for sport,
Driving by, breaking the rule.

There once was a senator named Kennedy
Who urged the president, quite openly
To speak of inflation
Instead of frustration
And stop attacking the pope so boldly.

There once was a host so bright,
Who made a point that was right,
His NSFW conclusion,
Drew much confusion,
But proved his point with delight.

A former secretary did boast,
To Christians, he made his grand toast,
About the post that was deleted,
By the president, who had tweeted,
Controversial words, now a ghost.

There once was a shooting so vile
In the U.S. it caused quite a big trial
It was deadly and tragic
Left the nation so tragic
Two years passed with tears all the while

There once was a CNN anchor, so fickle,
Caught Stefanik in quite a pickle,
As she tried to reimagine
Trump’s threat to obliterate Iran,
And his talk of destroying civilization with a sickle.