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There once was a man named Cabot
Whose wife’s concert caused a big spot
He made a statement
To end the lament
Now the speculation has stopped.

There once was a graphologist named Bache
Who examined a signature with grace
She said without doubt
It was Trump, no need to shout
His style stayed the same in that case.

There once was a spike in agents so grand,
Instilling fear in the immigrant band,
During a time of celebration,
Causing much consternation,
In communities across the land.

There once was a man named Matt Egan
Who found the jobs report quite depressin’
He called it “dismal” and “grim”
Especially for industries, he chimed in
His words left many hearts a-throbbin’

There once was a comic, deceived
By comments from DeGeneres received
On live TV she heard
The comedian was stirred
By words that she couldn’t believe.

There once was a plan quite beguiling
To save families cash, worth compiling
$12,000 per child
The governor smiled
A boost to their wallets, worth smiling

There once was a Late Night host
Whose roast of the president did boast
His takes were quite clever
Though some found them too severe
But his jokes left many engrossed

There once was a man who was jeered,
In a public place, it’s appeared,
For the second time this week,
His future looked bleak,
As the crowd’s taunting he feared.

There once was a man named Kosta,
Who received a cryptic pasta,
With words of support,
He gave a retort,
Encouraging words of impasta.

There once was a man named Dorian,
His story inspired a slogan,
“Hands up, don’t shoot!”
But some said it was moot,
In Ferguson, the tension kept growin’.