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There once was a man named Brian
Whose murder brought anguish and cryin’
A handgun was found
And a notebook unbound
For justice, these will be relied on.

There once was a ship in the Atlantic,
Where hantavirus caused a panic,
But the strain on the boat,
Was not the same note,
As the outbreak that made everyone frantic.

There once was a pastor who’d call
For peace on the National Mall
The president’s tweet
Showed missiles, not sweet
A message that caused quite a squall

There once was an ICE officer named Nate,
Charged for a nonfatal shooting mistake,
In the midst of Trump’s deportation spree,
A Venezuelan man was the referee,
Now justice will decide his fate.

There once was a mosque in San Diego,
The largest in the county, I know.
The Islamic Center’s grand,
Where faithful in prayer stand,
And worship with reverence that shows.

There once was a host named Faber
Who needled Cramer, causing a labor
“Got nothing to say?”
Made Cramer’s day gray
As he tried to defend his behavior.

There once was a pop star from Colombia
Acquitted by Spain’s High Court with euphoria
The fine was overturned
Tax agency spurned
Now he can sing with more euphoria

There once was a striker named Nazon
Who saw a goal struck from far on
100 meters away
He remembers that day
As Haiti’s record goalscorer he shone

There once was a man named Metaxas
Whose humor some found to be caustic
He claimed it was all in jest
But critics were not impressed
And thought his quips were quite drastic

There once was a director, FBI,
Who claims he is not a boozy guy.
He denies the drinking,
Despite what they’re thinking,
In his job, he aims to comply.