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There once was a girl named Paige Shiver,
Who found out she was pregnant, oh river!
With the former coach’s child,
She grew visibly wild,
Oh what a tangled web did deliver!

There once was a Fox News host so bold,
Who found the president’s character charming, I’m told.
Despite criticisms she’d fling,
She found some things endearing,
A surprising perspective to behold.

There once was a Pope who had said,
“As a pastor, I can’t be in favor of war,” he pled.
He preached for peace and love,
Guiding all from above,
In his words, a powerful message spread.

There once was a president named Larry,
who left a dinner quite contrary.
He missed an award,
for a viral White House hoard,
and now his absence is legendary.

There once were some visitors at large,
To the U.S. for a tournament charge.
They faced detention or deportation,
Advocacy groups raised the alarm, no hesitation,
For human rights abuses, a warning barrage.

There once was a president lashing,
At a female reporter, thrashing.
His words full of ire,
Set the room on fire,
His behavior truly abashing.

There once was a president, quite alarming
Who fired off tweets, quite disarming
Late into the night
It gave people a fright
His behavior, quite concerning

Is the Pentagon just cash for Trump’s kids?
Inquiries from Warren, democratic bids.
Investigations are deep,
Secrets they’ll keep,
Hope the truth comes to light, that forbids.

There once was a board that was stern,
Condemning an idea with concern,
They blasted the president’s past,
In a paper conservative and steadfast,
Their message in print did burn.

There once was a late-night host, who roasted
A president, delicate and toasted,
With an impression that’s deep,
Of Epstein, the creep,
In jokes that left all listeners ghosted.