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There once was a comic so witty
At the Oscars, he wasn’t a bit gritty
He announced the two winners
With comedic dinners
And left the crowd feeling pretty

There once was an actor quite grand
Who won but was not in the land
His award left on the stand
For a stellar performance so grand
In “One Battle After Another” so planned

There once was a reader who hopped,
Every new headline, they’d be stopped,
It felt quite personal,
Like a heart’s rehearsal,
Their interest continually topped.

There once was a senator named Kelly
Whose words caused a bit of a belly
He said to the troops
“Defy unlawful loops”
And Hegseth got mad and was smelly

There once was a host quite bemused,
By the lack of control on the cruise,
He supported the war,
But now he can’t ignore,
The Strait of Hormuz, the news did amuse.

There once were some Marines, 2,500,
Sent to the Middle East, they would be.
With a ship for assault,
They were ready to exalt,
Their mission, let’s wait and see.

There once was a man of great fame,
Whose real name remained a game,
Authorities kept it a secret,
In the report, they did not leak it,
His true identity stayed untamed.

There once was a teacher so bold,
Who slipped on a surface so cold,
A vehicle hit,
In a lighthearted skit,
Now in pain, their story is told.

There once was a place filled with dreams,
The weather there caused many screams.
The United States was slammed,
By weather that seemed damned,
Extremes making headlines it seems.

There once was a man filled with hate,
In a Virginia classroom, sealed his fate.
He opened fire that day,
Took lives, then went away,
In the end, his own life he did take.